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What has happened to me?

I sit here in this place
So far from where I used to be.
Wondering, what happened?
How did this happen to me?
Remembering the days
Of times gone by.
I promised I wouldn’t do this
I said I wouldn’t cry.
I used to be so strong
Nothing could get in my way.
Now I am lost and forlorn
How did I get this way?
Seems like just yesterday,
My future was so bright.
Now I can’t see anything
All darkness, no light.
The newspapers said
That man is going places.
Now I keep my head down
Afraid to look at their faces.
It is not that I am afraid
Of what they might say.
I just don’t want them to see me
Looking this way.
How did I get here
To this God awful place?
No longer revered
But fallen from grace.
I was always so kind
So happy and benevolent.
Now nothing really matters
So completely irrelevant.
It is all like a dream
So empty, cant feel.
Most times I cant tell the difference,
Between what isn’t and whats real.
But in a moment of clarity,
A respite from self pity.
I seem to remember
A Princess from Kansas City.
It is kinda fuzzy though
So hard to see.
Is she the reason,
This has happened to me?
She is so beautiful
Her eyes like rare diamonds.
With a smile so bright
And a hint of sweet almonds.
Something about her
I cant really explain.
I start to shake uncontrollably
With unbearable pain.
My mind starts to race
Images starts to flash.
Pictures of moments
With her in the past.
A myriad of emotions
Are welling in me.
Too much at one time
I am now on my knees.
The pain is too great
I no longer wish to see
What in the world
Has happened to me.
As I lay on the ground
And the images finally go
They are replaced
With a warm, comforting glow.
She was the one
The reason for being here.
Its all coming in to focus
So much more clear.
She would not like me this way
What has become of my life.
You’re much better than that
She would say… my wife.
You must see this to the end
Get up and see it through.
She would say
We must define ourselves by the best that is within us,
Not by the worst that has been done to you.
That was a year ago now,
Time goes by so fast.
Things are completely different,
No longer an outcast.
I know it will take some time
To get back to where I used to be.
But knowing she is watching, looking down
Is all the confidence I need.
I will never go back
To that place of madness.
To the place of loathing
Pity and sadness.
For I know as long as I put my best foot forward
And be all that I can be
She can look down with pride
With what has happened to me.
I Miss You.

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